I Thought

I was somewhere that I thought I might see you and my heart was aflutter

I saw someone who could have been you and my soul began to ache

It wasn’t even you

Among the many cars, yours could maybe have been one of them. I couldn’t see it, but the thought that I might had me all atingle.

And then, driving away, there you were, driving towards me

Our eyes met

Our hearts intertwined

And in that moment, I knew.

Knew that I was head over heels in love with you

May we use this time apart well

May we reunite in bliss

And live our lives together in simple joy

For you are beautiful

And so am I

M & E

I hardly feel like writing

I barely bother to read

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Wanting to be fed
by the feed

Knowingly wading through
the mire that
saps my soul

Overriding self-imposed time limits
In a tacit agreement
to self-destruct
so that
in arriving at that nihilistic state of

I Hate Everything

I am humbled into remembering
that

Meditation and Exercise
are my true salvation.

The day is calling me.

Put down the phone.


‘Click’.

(C) 2021

Because I am a miracle

That I am alive
Is a miracle

That I am able to breathe
Deeply into my belly
Is a blessing

For such a blessing
I feel deepest gratitude


When I was a star
I couldn’t hear the birds
Singing in the morning

When I was a star
I couldn’t taste the ocean
Salting my skin

When I was a star
I couldn’t feel the warm breeze
Bringing my face messages of hope

When I was a star
I couldn’t inhale the mint or the rose
In all their ostentatious fragrant glory

When I was a star I couldn’t even see
the magic of the afternoon light
golden, slinky, as it casts itself
so flatteringly
over all the miracles
that surround us

Here I now am
in this exquisite form

a feeling, sensing, breathing
miracle of life
with the sublime ability
to derive deep pleasure
from my physical functions
eating, moving, shitting, sleeping, drinking water, laughing, breathing...

Why would I look for anything more?

When I was a star
I saw this life and chose it

Now I am here
Experiencing

Morning birdsong filling my spirit

Gently dancing trees soothing my soul

Totally nourished by the very act of recognising the beauty of our natural world,
of which I am a worthy element,
and basking
in gratitude
for this
divine
moment

Copyright Zoe Xanadu 2021

12022021

Today’s date is 12-02-2021
Hooray!
So tidy 💝

I appreciate this.

Velvet cushions surround me
In shades of blue and gold
Why would I wish to
Leave this nest?

I am held here.

The tea is hot and near.

My body is comfortable.

I can feel the softness

and after a while

I remember:

It is safe for me to breathe deeply
with my eyes open.

breathing in I calm my body
breathing out I smile
dwelling in the present moment
I know that I am safe


This nest that is my refuge
where rest wraps herself
around me
most tenderly

Drip drop

Plink plop

Away fall the strains
as I willingly unbind myself
from the chains of mental anguish
shhhhhhhh

I am safe now.

What incredible hard work it has taken

How vague and mysterious this statement

The “incredible hard work” was done
Diligently
Courageously
Persistently

For fuck’s sake Fuckers, it was ME!!!

I am the one who has worked
and worked
and worked

Worked to repair the smashing
of an exquisitely perfect spirit

And still
There is an outraged little girl inside me
SCREAMING in resistance
That it is absolute bullshit
That I
Or anybody else
Should’ve EVER have to use
their precious life energy
to tidy up the abhorrent, intolerable,
devastating MESS
left behind
by selfish oppressors
over
and over
and over
again
again
again.




The grace
to acknowledge the gift
of being invited
to learn my strength
is not available to me today.
I wanted that strength 
to live a full and beautiful life
you cunts,
a life that showcased and celebrated
the world-changing brilliance
that I was born with
That strength was my birthright 
And look now.

Look.

Look how I have to draw on it instead
to rewire my brain
into being able to believe
that it is safe for me
to get out of bed.
I rise.




I rise and surge.



I rise and surge and triumph.







Might get dressed soon...












(Copyright 12-02-2021)