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Out

Out.

I’m out.

Mum, I’m gay, 

I texted her.

That’s nice dear.  

As in you’ve renamed yourself, or like two poofy men?

Homphobic bitch.

Out.

I’m out.

Striding through the Autumn morning in my walking shoes

Seeking solace in the beauty outside me

from the rage that churns within

The grey blanket of the pre-dawn sky warms me not, 

but offers me great comfort,

with the reassuring reminder that I am 

at once 

infinitesimal

and as expansive as the universe

A blush emerges as the sun comes back from the other side of the world, busy tart

A suggestive apricot, fuzzy and without edges, and with the optimism of Alabama Whitman

“She tastes like a peach”

how truly did I want to taste her mouth

Still I stride, breathing through my swirling truth

And now, somehow, streaks of pink and blue

Audacious as those marine creatures that you think have surely been exaggerated 

in the artist’s depiction

I can even forgive my ancestors for believing in sky god

Out.

I’m out.

Here under this cracking morning sky, remembering to notice the beauty of the universe.

Mary Oliver eat your heart out!

Savour those juices as they stream down your chin

Rivulets forming in your cleavage invitationally 

for another lover 

of life to slurp at

Yum.

Mum, I like to lick life juice off the tits of women poets.

Still I stride, rounding the corner, home comes into view.

And in the valley beyond, down over the town to the west

The sun, my current favourite artist, has invited the morning mist to dance.

A rainbow!

My queer little heart opens in bliss.

Life really does love me!

And I love her right back, 

most Sapphically indeed.

Copyright 2021.

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Rain 

How can the rain
be without 
symbolism?

How could it ever be
that it is 
simply raining?

How can I be calm 
when this water
is surrounding me
without relent?

My heart's lament.

I'm damp.

Damp in all my organs.


I want to whinge 
in protest 

I want to register
with some authority, officially,
my dissatisfaction
with the 
appearance of mold
on my timber chair

Actually?

Really?

Truly?

I'm to put up with 
this now
as well?

My heart is harbouring mildew.

Black soot haunts my kidneys.

My liver is beset by 
wet dust
of the kind that causes hives in some young children

Smoke it out, this ominous damp!

Cleanse me of this creeping moisture...

Smudge, 
Fire,
Hot coals...

I don't care.

Just let me be rid
of this soggy curse.

I would rather that 
the workings of my brain
crackle like dry forest twigs
or a lively fire

I would rather that 
the air in me
felt light and crisp as sunshine

I want to be crunchy

to feel like a spark in me could easily ignite

Yes!  I want to be flammable

or at least warm like a pocket potato

or a passionate embrace...

This damp suits me not.

Enough rain.

Enough.

(C) 2021

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Because I am a miracle 

That I am alive
Is a miracle

That I am able to breathe
Deeply into my belly 
Is a blessing

For such a blessing
I feel deepest gratitude 


When I was a star
I couldn’t hear the birds
Singing in the morning

When I was a star
I couldn’t taste the ocean
Salting my skin

When I was a star 
I couldn’t feel the warm breeze
Bringing my face messages of hope 

When I was a star
I couldn’t inhale the mint or the rose
In all their ostentatious fragrant glory

When I was a star I couldn’t even see
the magic of the afternoon light 
golden, slinky, as it casts itself 
so flatteringly 
over all the miracles
that surround us 

Here I now am
in this exquisite form

a feeling, sensing, breathing
miracle of life
with the sublime ability 
to derive deep pleasure 
from my physical functions
eating, moving, shitting, sleeping, drinking water, laughing, breathing...

Why would I look for anything more?

When I was a star
I saw this life and chose it

Now I am here 
Experiencing

Morning birdsong filling my spirit

Gently dancing trees soothing my soul

Totally nourished by the very act of recognising the beauty of our natural world, 
of which I am a worthy element,
and basking 
in gratitude
for this
divine
moment

Copyright Zoe Xanadu 2021

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Opti-mist 

This magic mist
of Daybreak

Can I store some in my lungs 
and breathe it out
much later on
when I need to remember 
this perfect purity?

When I am still in bed
The way I feel 
the weight of the world
and all its things 
is different 

Later,
When I’m up,
The support of recent sleep 
and lovely sheets 
and so many velvet cushions
will have receded

The replenishment I feel at dawn
will have depleted 

And the hope I rely on
to carry on believing
that I can put all the clean washing away
or smash the patriarchy
will need a recharge



And so then,
in that moment of need,
if I can breathe
into my depth 
and exhale
some of this early morning magic 
I might be able to remember 
to go gently.







Copyright 2021

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Tea and sunrise 

Magpies stomping on the roof

Rustling sounds in the garden 

different 
to the nocturnal rustlings

bolder



shadows of the morning walkers 

diligent silhouettes 
passing by my window 

the dusty film makes it all seem
so romantic 

lace hanging haphazardly 

like a renaissance era opera dancer

backstage 
in a state of delicious dishevelment 
limbs everywhere 



Dogs pull their humans
eager to know what news this day brings
so easily sated 
by the daily miracle 
of the sun remembering to rise



What further delight 
would any sane person 
seek to seek?



Stay here in this

the gold of highest value

hear the praises 
sung by those with wings

whose freedom of flight 
allows the broadest view from above 

who still choose 
to come home to roost

They will always remind me

that to be near a tree
is all I need

To breathe the freshness 
of the new day

in through my newest leaves
down to my deepest roots 

And to feel my expansion 

My belonging 

My arrival home 

In every direction 

as I exhale 



Dwelling in the ultimate dimension 



Grateful for this breath

Copyright 2021

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That leaf

Look at the way that leaf moves

Jiggering : jittering : jiggling : quivering

One of so many Yet it caught my eye

Where is the face in the tree I used to fancy I could see

Oh Nature

You move and change so radically and yet so subtly

How do we fall so easily into the arrogance of certainty?

The certainty is that we are part of you.

To stay attuned to this is satisfaction

Contentment

Connection with ourselves in this moment

We are in you and you in us.

It’s going to be ok.

It already is ok.

Feeding this moment of noticing how ok it already is.

Feeling this ok moment.

Soothing my nervous system As the rhythm of my breath Synchs with the pace of nature

I find that now, here in this new moment, things are still ok

Maybe even a little bit more ok

Thank you Mother Earth For holding me so safely

I know I am at home in your embrace

I will care for you sincerely All the days of this life.

I love you.