M & E

I hardly feel like writing

I barely bother to read

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Wanting to be fed
by the feed

Knowingly wading through
the mire that
saps my soul

Overriding self-imposed time limits
In a tacit agreement
to self-destruct
so that
in arriving at that nihilistic state of

I Hate Everything

I am humbled into remembering
that

Meditation and Exercise
are my true salvation.

The day is calling me.

Put down the phone.


‘Click’.

(C) 2021

Opti-mist

This magic mist
of Daybreak

Can I store some in my lungs
and breathe it out
much later on
when I need to remember
this perfect purity?

When I am still in bed
The way I feel
the weight of the world
and all its things
is different

Later,
When I’m up,
The support of recent sleep
and lovely sheets
and so many velvet cushions
will have receded

The replenishment I feel at dawn
will have depleted

And the hope I rely on
to carry on believing
that I can put all the clean washing away
or smash the patriarchy
will need a recharge



And so then,
in that moment of need,
if I can breathe
into my depth
and exhale
some of this early morning magic
I might be able to remember
to go gently.







Copyright 2021

Tea and sunrise

Magpies stomping on the roof

Rustling sounds in the garden

different
to the nocturnal rustlings

bolder



shadows of the morning walkers

diligent silhouettes
passing by my window

the dusty film makes it all seem
so romantic

lace hanging haphazardly

like a renaissance era opera dancer

backstage
in a state of delicious dishevelment
limbs everywhere



Dogs pull their humans
eager to know what news this day brings
so easily sated
by the daily miracle
of the sun remembering to rise



What further delight
would any sane person
seek to seek?



Stay here in this

the gold of highest value

hear the praises
sung by those with wings

whose freedom of flight
allows the broadest view from above

who still choose
to come home to roost

They will always remind me

that to be near a tree
is all I need

To breathe the freshness
of the new day

in through my newest leaves
down to my deepest roots

And to feel my expansion

My belonging

My arrival home

In every direction

as I exhale



Dwelling in the ultimate dimension



Grateful for this breath

Copyright 2021

12022021

Today’s date is 12-02-2021
Hooray!
So tidy 💝

I appreciate this.

Velvet cushions surround me
In shades of blue and gold
Why would I wish to
Leave this nest?

I am held here.

The tea is hot and near.

My body is comfortable.

I can feel the softness

and after a while

I remember:

It is safe for me to breathe deeply
with my eyes open.

breathing in I calm my body
breathing out I smile
dwelling in the present moment
I know that I am safe


This nest that is my refuge
where rest wraps herself
around me
most tenderly

Drip drop

Plink plop

Away fall the strains
as I willingly unbind myself
from the chains of mental anguish
shhhhhhhh

I am safe now.

What incredible hard work it has taken

How vague and mysterious this statement

The “incredible hard work” was done
Diligently
Courageously
Persistently

For fuck’s sake Fuckers, it was ME!!!

I am the one who has worked
and worked
and worked

Worked to repair the smashing
of an exquisitely perfect spirit

And still
There is an outraged little girl inside me
SCREAMING in resistance
That it is absolute bullshit
That I
Or anybody else
Should’ve EVER have to use
their precious life energy
to tidy up the abhorrent, intolerable,
devastating MESS
left behind
by selfish oppressors
over
and over
and over
again
again
again.




The grace
to acknowledge the gift
of being invited
to learn my strength
is not available to me today.
I wanted that strength 
to live a full and beautiful life
you cunts,
a life that showcased and celebrated
the world-changing brilliance
that I was born with
That strength was my birthright 
And look now.

Look.

Look how I have to draw on it instead
to rewire my brain
into being able to believe
that it is safe for me
to get out of bed.
I rise.




I rise and surge.



I rise and surge and triumph.







Might get dressed soon...












(Copyright 12-02-2021)